just one of the guys

disclaimer: i feel the need for this because the below post is not about a tool. while this blog is mainly about the tools i've met along the way, some of them are more clueless than just flat out dbags. so unless i call the particular guy a tool, a dbag, or any other type of word, he may or may not be a tool or a dbag.

i had this realization. there's this group of guys that my girlfriends and i hang around with when we go out. it's pretty standard - they're always in the same place on the same nights of the week, so we always know if we want to have a rowdy time, to just be on their schedule and a rowdy time will be had by all. it's a great group of guys; they all went to college together, they're all intelligent, have good jobs, charming, cute, witty, and the list goes on. the only problem is the jury is still out on whether or not they are date-able. there's one or two that are definitely tools and a half, but the majority of them are just fun guys (so maybe it's not entirely fair to them to write about them on this blog. but whatever).

my girlfriends and i have had our fun kissing various ones from the group (there's a running joke about how we've kissed the same ones) but it's become a pretty regular occurrence for one of the guys and moi to make out in their favorite bar (classy, i know). he's become a good friend of mine: we chat over gmail almost every day, see each other at the gym and share the occasional txt message (and i get some funny phone calls late at night on his walks home from the bar). so of course, because i love men and the attention and i'm sure we could go on and on about how this is all my fault, i develop a crush on this guy. and by the way, i love the word crush. it's so sophomoric yet not, all at the same time. and it's just so fitting: you don't love the guy, you don't even know if you like him. but he's fun to flirt with and you enjoy your time with him. hence, the crush. so anyway, it came to my attention during a g-chat conversation that he and the other guys think of me as one of them. i'm just one of the guys. now, that is partially ideal. it's great to be in with the guys because then there is a higher percentage that your crush will return the crush - i mean, what guy wants to date a girl that his friends don't accept? so being one of the guys and feeling like one of the guys is half the marathon, and i'm there (13.5 miles left to go!). but i realized that we shouldn't accept being one of the guys. because then the crush has a high percentage of a chance (or however you say it) of only seeing us as one of the guys and not as this great treasure that he needs to stake his claim on and protect.

so i emailed my friends and told them the crush was off. like clap on, clap off: crush on, crush off. i also informed the guy that i would no longer be making out with him in the bar. a very good, and wise, friend of mine has always said "actions speak louder" and it is SO true! actions speak so much louder than anything else. making out with someone can easily be read as a potential relationship developing, but it's not. and i'm not sure it's necessarily fair to the other person to assume that is what they mean when they make out with you, or try to get you to go home with them, or even succeed in taking you home (i mean hey, who wants to purchase the fattened cow when they can get one for free). if a guy is really interested, he's going to invest time and energy into getting to know you as a person and treating you with the respect you deserve. it's hard too, when the guy is a lot of fun, to not be tempted to go to the places you know he will be, or to return the affection when he makes a pass. it's just better to keep emotions out of it until you know someone's true intentions.

if you want to make out with me, take me on a date! make me feel like a freakin lady! otherwise, if you just want a make out buddy, why not just make out with one of your buddies. ya know, one of the guys. at least then you don't have to worry about it getting weird when one begins to develop a crush. well, it may be weird, but that's a different story.