YOU won't go home with ME?

So, MY night last night was interesting. I had this event for a charity I am involved with to raise money for research and camp for the kids. Professional athletes come and have dinner with some of the kids and then hang out the rest of the night. I spent most of my time chit chatting with a guy named Jerry. This tall guy walks in and people start talking to him so Jerry says "that's So-So. He's a pro water skier. This is like his 7th yr doing this." So-So comes over and introduces himself to me and starts putting on the charm. Jerry brings me shrimp and whispers in my ear "every year he meets someone and leaves with them. don't ditch me for him." So-So is cute but he's not super hot, not a bag of chips, and definitely should not be using disabled children as a way to meet women.

He is flirting BIG time and then tells me he wants me to go to the after party with him at the super exclusive club down the street. I mean, this club is private and stays open until 4 in the morning. They only serve chilled glass bottled water (if you order water, that is). I agree to go, thus ditching Jerry. SoSo and I smoke the hookah and the next thing I know, we're surrounded by cougars. I told him if he kept flirting with them I was going to leave because I didn't know anyone else there. SoSo shifts his focus back to me and it's not long before he says, "are you going to go home with me?" I reply no, to which he retorts, "you won't go home with ME?" (as though he cannot believe some low life like me would turn HIM down). So he calls his phone from my phone so he'll "have my number" and tells me how he isn't the kind of guy who takes a girl home and then doesn't call. I say, "right, until you need a hook up again when you're back in town." SoSo then gets on his soapbox about me being a cock blocker and a tease. It's past the cougars bedtime by this point so as they are gathering their belongings, the most unattractive of the bunch turns to SoSo and demands he come home with her. He turns to me and says "Are you coming home with me or not?" I go "nope." SoSo stands up, says, "That's it. I'm outta here." and he leaves with the cougar!!!!

I wasn't about to smoke the hookah alone so I went home. I txt him and said "you're officially an asshole" and go to bed. This morning, I get a text back from SoSo that says "and you're crazy." He then proceeds to text me how he really likes me and wants to get to know me better and wishes last night had turned out differently. He said he couldn't have me and it was driving him crazy so he had to leave. I reply with a tart, "Hope the cougar showed you a good time" text. His response was classic: "Nothing happened. She got sick."

I can't help thinking how hilarious karma can be.

Dinner with Superman

So, I have a date tonight with a foreign man. I'm not really sure how this is going to turn out. First off, we met at a BAR. Yes, a BAR. I mean, I know a lot of people meet in bars these days (shoot, I meet lots of people in bars. Who am I kidding.) But, in the words of a man I respect, "who really says they meet at the bar and 50 years later they are still together?"

He was wearing a Superman shirt. I saw him come in, thought he was cute, so I smiled and said "hey superman." He of course LOVED that. We started chatting and I realized he was not from America. His accent was not Southern (perferable), Yankee-ish or anything else. Come to find out he is Lithuanian. Eastern European. I had thoughts of Borat running through my head while we talked (I wonder if his wife is dead? And he hands out high fives everywhere?). He's a basketball player at a local college and plans to attend med school in the fall. So he's smart. And he's cute. And he has an accent. Things are looking pretty good.

Except he's young. He's in college. He isn't an American citizen. I'm sure we don't share the same political views. He doesn't even have an American driver's license. We'll probably get pulled over on our way to dinner. But he called today to make sure we were still on for our date. That was cute. My girlfriends and I have plans to meet up later for a drink, so I will bring him along, if he's normal. There's NO telling what he'll be like since we met in a bar. If he's not normal, I will ditch him and txt message the mute guy I picked up the same weekend. In a different bar.