I have a story to tell you. but, because it is so much more appropriate to copy and paste the online conversation.

background: this boy got placed in the tool shed some time ago. he also hates the one sports team that i actually support consistently (keep in mind i am what you may call a 'fair weather' type fan. i pride myself in the fact that i will dress the part of number one fan but will never leave a game unhappy). the team i love happens to be the number one basketball team in town (and who doesn't love a number one) and he went to a rival school (come to think of it, and yes i know this is a lot of parantheticals, part of my team's fight song includes the words go to hell [insert his school]). he is also currently looking for a couch.

additional background: i was engaged once. all you need to know about my broken engagement is that it left me deeply wounded and is not something i ever joke about. EVER.

conversation:
me: hmm well whatever

i love them

and you do not

10:43 AM him: that is correct

10:47 AM i guess it explains your love for frat boys and douchbaggery

me: hahahah

whatev - im so over frat boys and douch bags

10:48 AM im only hangin gout with the ones who treat me well now

but that school is just a-ok with me!

him: haha

you are such a flavor of the week type girl

10:49 AM me: no im not

him: how were u ever engaged?

me: ouch

him: im just saying

me: when i commit - i commit well

him: the last one was more of a joke

not tryign to bash your commitment skills

me: it better have been - im a good catch and he's a fool

so THERE

10:50 AM him: it was rhetorical

10:52 AM don't u hate getting emails and contacted by ex's u don't wanna talk to

my ex just sent me an email on a huge distbn list trying to sell a couch

10:53 AM me: well you need a couch

him: i do

but not a pretty pink floral one

10:58 AM me: a couch is couch

33 minutes

OK. where do i even begin? First off, who the hell does he think he is that he can call me a flavor of the week type of girl? because i think if you're going to make out with your friend in the bar on numerous occasions, then you should also treat them to dinner and actually take them on a date? i'm a flavor of the week type of girl because i continually get asked out by dbags and move on to the next one when i realize what a douche they are? and who are you sir to question how i was ever engaged? just because you've become privaleged enough to know that piece of my history does not mean you can question the validity of it. nor does it mean that even though much time has passed, that the bee doesn't still sting a little. just because we've chatted online daily up until this conversation does not mean i've granted you access to the inner workings of my brain or given you any insight into the pain, humliation and utter depression i suffered because of that time in my life. anyone who would make a comment like that, joking or not, is not my real friend. nor are they anyone worthy of my interest, time and effort.

i have not spoken to him since. i don't know if he gave in and bought the couch from his ex. his ability to change the subject to soften the blow, but his absolute inability to apologize for a crass comment such as the one above proved to me so much of what i knew in my heart but really didn't want to believe: a couch is a couch, a jerk is a jerk, a douche is a douche, and you are officially a member of the shed.

No, there is NOT a deeper issue

So, i told the tomato farmer i would go to a movie with him. he'd been bugging me anyway and i figured i should go and see how it went before really making a decision about him. i was pretty much leaning towards NOT liking him though. but, my week got busy, i got stressed out, and i just didn't have time to go to the movies. plus, i was heading out of town for a wedding and had a lot of shiznit to do before i left. so i sent him a txt and told him i needed to reschedule and would call him later to explain. he responded a whole FOUR hours later with, "i would like to speak with you when you have a minute." he would like to SPEAK with me?? did i not just tell him i would call him LATER?? so i resent the "i will call you later" txt. he responded with "before 9 please." oh good grief. who does he think he is? so i didn't respond. i went about my beeswax, got my stuff done, and called him at 8:30. he told me he didn't expect me to be all gung-ho about him but that he had pretty simplistic expectations of me and that was to be able to spend time with me. ok, first off, dude, we ain't a couple. second off, who the hell do you think you are? i told him i had a lot to do and he had to understand at this point that of course i'm not going to be all "gung-ho" about it and there are other people involved by now too. i told him i would call him when i got back from the wedding and we could get together. we ended it there but he called later and left me a voicemail that he didn't want to be a burden and he was sorry for being dramatic; he'd been running on his emotions with me for a few weeks now. i didn't call him back - i went to the wedding and didn't think about him once. i repeat: i did not think about him AT ALL.

so this past weekend, as i was driving 6 hours to visit a friend, i decided i needed to let him know how i felt. i mean, he went to such great lengths to tell me how he felt, and i at least owed him an "i'm not interested." So I called him up. he answered, found out what i was doing and replied with, "i'd really like to see you when you get back in town." I replied with "i would love to hang out with you but it will have to be as friends. I know this isn't an over the phone conversation but i'm not able to go out to dinner right now and i'd rather not lead you on." He thanked me for the clarification then told me to shout at him sometime and hung up before i could say anything else. i'm talking i got a busy signal in my ear. i also got a txt in my inbox that said (and I quote for emphasis): "Why did u feel the need 2 do that? i had pretty much written it off anyway when you stood up last week. i'm not bitter, just curious. something deeper u not sharing?"

ok. do i even want to get started? first, don't send me a txt using numbers for words. second, you had NOT pretty much written it off (and ps, i didn't stand you up. i told you i needed to reschedule. a stand up would have just not shown up). if you had really pretty much written it off, you would have not left me an apology voicemail and you wouldn't have told me right away that you wanted to see me. period. and fourth, why do i have to have a deeper issue because i don't like you? obviously i must have SOMETHING wrong with me for not being interested! i mean what kind of girl disses a tomato farmer? obviously one with MENTAL ISSUES. whatever dude. i didn't respond to the text. i got to my friend's house and spent another weekend not thinking about him.

I believe this will be the last post about the tomato farmer.

an emoticon from...dubai???

I got a message last night on facebook from hair. It said "sooooooo.....who's susan rivers? :)"

there are so many things wrong with this. let me list them out for you:
1. we had beach time
2. susan rivers is one of my best friends
3. why would you think it is appropriate for you to ask me about one of my best friends after we had beach time?
4. that's like me asking you who your best friend is and hinting for you to hook me up.
5. that's like you saying i'm not good enough but my best friend is.

i am not jealous in an 'i like him' kind of way. i am mad that this guy is such a doosh that he thinks it is entirely appropriate and acceptable for him to inquire me about one of my best friends. and trust me, it is OBVIOUS how good of friends we are from the facebook pictures. not to mention he tried to talk to our group in a bar one night and i reminded them all of who he was and they all spun on their heels and walked away.

everything about this message was wrong and just really made me mad. i think i'm most irritated at myself though...some dbags you can't get over wishing you had never met them. i called another one of my best friends and told her what his message said. she screamed (yes, screamed) "hair is SUCH a tool."

i do not know how to explain this whole thing other than he is a tool and i am constantly amazed and bewildered at the audacity some tools have. PLEASE go to dubai and find yourself...or someone. ugh.