Incident: something that occurs casually in connection with something else

I was immediately intrigued by the Incident. We got matched up and his profile made me laugh. It was clear we shared the same sense of humor. I told the aforementioned good friend about it and she said, oh yes my coworker has met him but they aren’t dating, so I figured it was a go. By the way, I need to meet this coworker. I have a hunch we’d be best friends since we have such similar taste in men! Think of the stories!

We met for drinks the first night and seriously laughed the entire time. He was cute in a rugged kind of way; I had never been on a date with a bearded fellow before. His emails and txt messages to me were hysterical and full of questions and thoughts about future activities we should do together. He has a good job and seems to be stable in his career (and once I get around to posting about my two friends Jekyll and Hyde, you’ll realize that being stable in your career is very attractive to me and imperative to dating me). He was so witty and I found myself completely falling for his charm. Because I’m starting over of sorts with my life, I tried really hard to let this thing play out and not rush things. My interest in him grew by the day and I really started thinking, wow, I’ve met a good one! FINALLY! Hark those herald Angels sing! We saw each other here and there, and when he had to leave for the week for work, we continued our budding romance over the internet and phone. He told me he would change his plans and come back to town if it meant we could see each other. I agreed and I was enthralled. I had NEVER had a guy change his plans for me like that! We went to dinner the night he got back and had the best time. We already had plans to go to a nearby city to see the Christmas lights the next day. I told my good friend this and she said it must be pretty serious if I was committing not one, but two weekend nights to him! I said I was really starting to like him! The date to see the Christmas lights was wonderful and the most fun I can remember having in a long time. It was so romantic and it was nice to be enjoying something like that with someone I actually enjoyed. He volunteered to go to church with me the next morning, and then we had lunch with my neighbor. All in all, I was even more impressed at the end of the weekend than I was at the beginning.

However, shortly after lunch, we got into a discussion about strip clubs. Seriously? Don’t even get me started. I’m not entirely sure how the topic came up and when I asked him if he frequented strip clubs, he said no but he does go for bachelor parties. I went off about how strip clubs are degrading and terrible and he said something about how it was good to know I wouldn’t trust him. I assured it was not a matter of trust but a matter of respect. He asked what if it was his bachelor party and he hadn’t planned it. I said if you respect me, you won’t go. And if we were getting married, I would hope you would have enough respect for our marriage to not go. He said ok and that was that. After he left, I got pretty annoyed because strip clubs shouldn’t even be something we were arguing about. Ever. I should have recognized THAT red flag! The next week was Christmas, and I was flying out on Wed. night after work. He asked if he could cook me dinner on Tuesday and I accepted. I mean, hello, what girl doesn’t want a guy cooking her dinner?!? Somewhere between the strip club conversation and Monday evening, we got into a pretty heated debate via, what else, txt message about trips. He said assuming things continued to go well, he would like to cash in his points and take a cruise with me. Because I get freaked out easily, I started getting freaked out. I mean, it had been TWO flippin weeks and he wants to take a TRIP with me!? Um, I don’t think so buddy. I told him I would never do that, and I was honest when I said the main reason was because of my family. What they don’t know won’t hurt them, but why would I throw things in their face if I could avoid disappointment and wait until rings were involved. He responded with, “well, I would hope that as a 28 year old adult in a committed relationship, that my partner would be making decisions that would be good for the relationship and not just because her family doesn’t approve.” I could just see him puffing his chest out as he typed. I retorted with, “and I would hope as a 27 year old adult in a committed relationship that my partner accepts certain quirks about my family and never puts me in a position where I have to choose.” His use of the word partner annoyed me to no end and he used it frequently! I decided to write him a THREE PAGE letter. I explained to him how important it was for me to find someone who was involved in church and didn’t just do it because it was important to me, but because it was important to them. I told him I needed the respect that strip clubs would not come up again and I wouldn’t have to worry he was going. I told him I would not be sleeping with him; that perhaps some of my actions had led him to believe otherwise, and I was sorry, but because I really liked him, I wanted to try to do things the right way, and for me, the right way was to not hook up before we were married. Talk about being a nervous squirrel! I went to dinner in a bad mood because I was so beside myself with angst. Dinner was out of this world! He even made my favorite dessert because he knew how much I liked it! He told me he remembered my comment about formal letter writing being a lost art, and he had written me a letter. Here is an excerpt:

I love when your affectionate and sweet, and I really could talk to you all day. Which is huge cause I hate listening to most people, especially women, talk…there is so much I already love about you. yes I know its very gay but I do feel like you kinda get me already and I just have so much fun with you…I even hate cats yet yours doesn’t even remotely bother me…this is completely out of the ordinary that I feel this way. I have never really felt all these things at once for a girl…I have been getting these chest pains sometimes as I worry that you won’t ever feel the same. But I feel like there is something special with you that could be what I have been looking for in a partner to share the rest of my life with…

OK, besides all the grammatical errors, and the use of that blasted word partner, this letter took my breath away. Even though we’d only known each other a few weeks, he was, it seemed, practically everything I’d been looking for. We’d spent so much time emailing and talking and just hanging out the past few weeks that we’d gotten to know each other pretty well. We had shared stories about our pasts and he had confided in me that he never wanted to be like his father. It was hard to not be secretly excited for what was unfolding. I gave him my letter and he read it. I told him I knew there were things in there that could be deal killers, which is why I felt it was fair to let him know these things from the get go. Remember, I’m great at spotting red flags when they’re waved in my face, so when his first reaction was to tell me I was setting myself up to be single the rest of my life, it’s no wonder I still sat there. He said it sucked because he really liked me, but he wasn’t going to try to change my mind, and then he asked could we get married in 6 months so I wouldn’t have to obey any rules. I told him to slow it down and back the train up. We left it with me feeling awkward and him saying he’d think about things. And then, Christmas came.

We both went home to our families, and our communication broke down. Perhaps it was me. I’m just not good at responding to bathroom humor messages (the best thing he got for Christmas was butt wipes? Make sure I get a bike with a seat cushion good for my vajayjay? And yes, he said vajayjay to me). He ended up coming back to our town earlier than he had initially said, so I should have been wary. My brother and some friends came to town the day after I got home, so we knew we wouldn’t see each other much for the next week. However, had it been me, and I was wearing his shoes, I would have done things differently. If I was OK with the terms of the letter (it really does sound like a business transaction, eh?) then I would have tried to see this girl I was clearly crazy about as soon as she got off the plane, even just to see her face for a minute. I mean, I had been sending her txt messages about different things I loved about her. I most certainly would have been waiting anxiously for her to call me or txt me and tell me she had landed safely. I wouldn’t have waited until the next morning to check my txts and tell her I was glad she made it home. Of course, I also wouldn’t have called up an old flame and taken them to dinner and then gotten some sugar for dessert. When she told me she had a hunch that I had come back early to see another girl, I wouldn’t have lied and said that there were no other girls and it made me sad to think she even thought I was capable of that. I wouldn’t have told her I missed her greatly and couldn’t want to see her again. I wouldn’t have told her I had been trying to give her reassurance that I was OK with the letter. But, of course I was OK with the letter. I could date her and get my lovin’ on the side.

Too bad for you, Mr. Incident. I know the girl you took out this weekend and subsequently lied about. Turns out we have the aforementioned good friend in common who put two and two together and realized we were dating the same guy. So, next time you’re dating someone gives you AMPLE opportunity to admit to her you were jeepin’ (thanks, Clueless) behind your back and you still lie, you should probably sack up and stop digging. Oh, also, when you realize that there is a mutual friend involved, you probably should refrain for txting the other girl and asking her if she told anyone about your rendesvouz. Clearly, she is onto you too and is going to tell the mutual friend you got in touch. She said it crystal clear though when she responded to you with, “yes, I told my coworker who put two and two together and we realized you’re such a dumbass and how you are so busted.”

I think we may just have a trifecta of putting bastards out around this town.